Left to right- Megan Waites, Irene Sloggett, Deidre Wells, Amy Wells, Kate, Trisha Herd, Jenny Arthur, Gayle Coates & Kye. (Absent from picture but with them in the Spirit is Suzie Mowbray, Madi Elsegood and Adele Wall.)
 

My story is a story of how God’s unconditional love can heal all our wounds; no matter how deep they may be, or how long you may have carried them; and that all things are possible with God.
 
Now, don’t misunderstand me, I am not setting you up to tell you a heart-wrenching story. My testimony is a story of rejection; something we all deal with.
 
I was born on June 16, 1969 in Gosford, Australia into a non-Christian family. In our family love, affection and praise was something that was earned. I grew up a very shy, timid girl – critically lacking in confidence, self esteem and self worth– believing that I must work hard to be worthy of anybody’s love or respect. My parents undoubtedly loved me very much; however, their ‘tough love’ was something that hurt instead of healed.
 
Over the years I did all I could to be the best at everything, giving every effort I could in order to earn love and respect from those around me. Despite this, I firmly believed that I was not good enough, as I was never told how much I was loved or that anyone was proud of me. Upon leaving school, I went to Business College and that is when the wheels started to fall off the wagon.

I was so busy trying to be the best that I went overboard and ended up very ill with Anorexia Nervosa. I disliked myself so much because every time I analyzed life I saw rejection, which in my mind meant that I just wasn’t good enough.
 
One night in the silence of my room, while lying in bed I started to question my existence. I had somehow convinced myself that it must have something to do with God. I’d love to actually take credit for that intelligent summation, but God had planted a seed so strong and so large that it was pretty impossible to ignore!  It was then that I started taking myself to Church, searching desperately for answers.
 
You see, I desperately wanted to live without the bitter taste of rejection, because with the rejection came the lack of self worth. It’s human nature; whatever we focus on, we become. So going to Church challenged everything I knew about life and myself, as I understood it.
 
By 19, I married a Police Pilot with the Northern Territory Police Force. It didn’t take long to realize that I hadn’t escaped anything, I was in the same situation – different setting.  Here I was yet again desperately trying to earn love and respect. I was married for 11 years and from the outset, my husband had affairs and managed to have me believe that I was to blame. 

I set about trying my hardest to perfect myself and everything I did. Forbidden from going to Church I clung to what I knew from the Bible and the plans God had for my life while continuing to work myself into the ground, trying desperately to earn the love and respect of a man who I see now could never give that back to me. 
 
I ended up hanging my hopes and dreams upon I Peter 2:19 “God will bless you for this, if you endure the pain of undeserved suffering because you are conscious of His Will.” I lived in hope that God would reward me for the hardships I endured as long as I continued to live true to Him. During my 11 years of marriage, I gave birth to a son – Bodie and a daughter – Tomi. 

When Tomi was 6 months old, we moved to a small coastal town (Nelson Bay) where my husband was to commence work for Qantas on the International route. At this time his adultery and partying was out of control and I realized I couldn’t take any more. Even more than that, I didn’t want my children growing up in an environment where a husband treats his wife with such disrespect. I also craved the ability to worship God in freedom.   
 
In a situation, that I can only explain as a moment in time where I surrendered all and allowed God to do the rest, I “called it a day” on my marriage and began a new phase in my life raising my two small children. With the loss of my marriage, I also lost my own family. My mother and father were very upset and ceased contact with me. I pray each day that our relationship will be restored through God’s love.

It wasn’t easy, but I did what God laid on my heart to do, especially for the sake of Bodie and Tomi. If that meant I had to suffer by meeting all my husband’s new and different girlfriends, I did it.The sad thing is that during this process I forgot about me. I knew that God had gotten me through, but I had never allowed him to heal me. By that I mean, you can’t have a positive life with a negative mind. I was still wearing my low self worth and value proudly like a shiny medal.
 
God knows me. He is well aware of my weaknesses. So what does He do?  He calls me to His workout room where my ‘weights’ are actually ‘waits’. ”Here, lift these.” When you have completed this exercise, you will emerge a stronger woman.” So I began a journey on the ’strength train’ with the waits in my life.

As you may have imagined my journey of wait training started in the gym!  Exercise had become quite a stress relief for me, so it was there that my lessons began and I met a man. A relationship with this man developed, but developed in an incredibly unhealthy way, because I had attracted a similar sort of person to my ex-husband!

I learned the hard way that we can miss God by being in a hurry to get what we think we want or need. I learned the hard way that God’s timing was sooooooo not my timing, but only after many times of being dragged by my hair, picked up by the throat and being called every vulgar name you could think. I came to the point of exhaustion again and handed it to God, the bitter taste of rejection was engulfing me yet again. 
 
I realized there are good reasons why God doesn’t make our troubles just disappear and that we need to work through trials.  The hard reality hit me, that I had never given God an opportunity or chance to heal me, or restore me because I had never completely given him every part of me. 

After realizing that I couldn’t do it on my own or my way, I promised God from that day on I would give Him all of me, and that’s exactly what I have done. His presence began to flood the deep corners and crevices of my heart and mind, filling me with His unconditional love, grace and promise of complete restoration. He filled me with the hope of a future with all the desires of my heart.
 
God is turning my worthlessness into preciousness, my emptiness into fullness and my brokenness into a blessing that is beautiful. He opened my eyes and helped me to see that I had clung to the shadows of my past, allowing them to shape and define the person I was.
 
The wonderful thing about being on a journey and having God as the navigator is that when you listen to His directions it gives you endurance, and His endurance develops maturity of character. When you start to allow God to develop your character, it can’t help but produce joyful and confident hope in your future and eternal salvation.
 
Perhaps I’m just a slow learner but whatever the reason, I’ve discovered a way to walk in the confidence of my value and self worth in Christ, regardless of other people’s opinions or beliefs.  It’s taken me a long time to release my deeply embedded belief that I was worthless and of no value, that I was ugly and unwanted. To no longer have to live with that constant struggle, which not only damaged the image I had of myself, but also of what I perceived other people had of me, has bought a wonderful sense of peace I know can only be given by God.
 
Being secure in my Heavenly Father’s love for me and finding my self-worth and value affirmed in the pages of the Bible, opened doors and continues to open doors in my life I never dreamed possible.
 
I also love the fact that God never wastes a hurt. He brings restoration, and gives us opportunities to bless others. Through the trials and tribulations of life that we endure, He gives us understanding, which enables us to help others through their pain.
 
I have learned a very important lesson and that is that having such hope and faith in God never disappoints, deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts and when we place all our hope, trust and faith in Him, all things are possible!
 
There is one more chapter of my story I need to share with you. I want to tell you how I progressed in the “wait training”. God led me to Nelson Bay Baptist Church. In my wait training, He was not just moving and shaping me, He was moving, shaping and preparing me for my future husband, Todd. Todd is the Pastor of Nelson Bay Baptist Church, and aren’t the kids and I glad that God encouraged him to fish out of his own pond! 

Todd and I were married on September 27, 2003 and with that came the extended family I so desperately craved. I got a mum, dad and sister with all the love, acceptance, praise, comfort and sense of belonging I have so earnestly desired for such a long time. In addition, God continues to pour His blessings upon me. Todd and I added to our family. Bodie and Tomi have a brother named Kye who is 3 years old. 
 
I mentioned it before and I have to say it again, I just love the way God never wastes a hurt. Through my experience, God has given me an incredible passion for women, the troughs and peaks they work through in life to unleash the woman God calls them to be. My heart aches for the broken and wounded women. This drives me to see and seek unity in women, sisters in Christ, supporting, encouraging and sharpening one another.

God placed on my heart a vision that prompted me to form a group called “Soul Sisters.” We meet on a fortnightly basis on a Tuesday evening and our aim is to change the culture, attitude and way in which we love and support one another.  Our aim is to grow deep, real relationships that honor God, which we pray will ultimately have a domino effect throughout the Church and broader community.
 
My story and journey continues, and each day I wake with excitement, busting to know what God has in store for me today. 
 
HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!

Kate Waldrop

Co-Pastor 

Nelson Bay Baptist Church

Australia