Unconditional Love
Can you do it? I didn’t know I could…
When Charli asked me to give my testimony for her “Charli-zine,” I pondered “which testimony?” I have so many. God has been so faithful and blessed me in so many ways, time and time again. Should I give the one where God healed me of cancer? The one where I stood waiting for 11 years on His word that He had given me for a promised restoration and reconciliation? It was finally time to share my testimony about my marriage.
My husband and I are ministering in our home once a month to couples and many others through our Home Fellowship. Our ministry, Fresh Fire Home Fellowship, was started over a year ago in our home in Tennessee. God is using us to minister to broken marriages, the lost, and hurting people. I have the most wonderful, loving, caring and sensitive husband in the world. The Lord has given my husband such wisdom and knowledge. He has blessed us in so many ways. I cannot thank God enough for what He has done in our lives. Together as a couple and with the help of God, we are impacting our family and friends lives. It hasn’t always been this way though.
I have been married to a man who had cheated on me for 9 years on and off. A man who is a Christian but a carnal one for many years and who has been mean, unfaithful, insensitive, uncaring, inconsiderate, etc throughout my marriage…that is until God got hold of him. In the past each time he cheated, he asked for my forgiveness and I forgave him but it got harder and harder and I kept trying to change his bad habits. I would pray, read the word and say I was turning him over to God but always tried to change him myself by pointing out to him everything he did wrong.
Well over a year ago I found out he was having an affair again. When confronting him with it this time, he didn’t deny it but said yes he was and even worse, told me that he was in love with her and wanted a divorce from me. Let me tell you I was crushed! My whole world seemed to come crashing down. I found out this affair had been going on for months. They did not live in the same state so they never had relations but he had fallen in love with her.
I did not know what to do. I called a good friend and mentor (Charli Pickett) who helped me turn to God. She gently and lovingly guided me to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and taught me how to walk in the spirit by putting my trust in God and not in my husband. She helped me to get my eyes off of the problem and turned them to Jesus, our deliverer. She taught me quickly what I needed to do and I listened to her Godly advice and applied every bit of it. What I am about to tell you how I overcame this trial is not to bring glory upon myself for what I did, but to give God all the glory for what He did through me.
I first started to pray for my husband like I never had before. I would wake at 3 am every morning, get out of bed, and go to the foot of the bed on my knees where my husband lie sleeping and lay hands on him and pray. I would go into his closet and kneel and pray. Every waking moment I would lift my husband up to the Lord. I asked the Lord not to hold this charge against my husband. I asked the Lord not to hold this charge against her. I told my husband that I loved him and was not going to leave him and that I was praying for him. I fasted for 4-5 days straight while praying for him. I sought out the scriptures to find every scripture I could about the situation. I wrote these scriptures down and prayed them every day.
I would sometimes pick up the phone and he would be talking to her. I did not confront him about this or bring anything up to my husband. He was not trying to hide it anymore. Was this easy?? No Way! Nancy could not do this on her own. I did not have the ability to love like this. I was able to love him in a way I never had before though. Only with the help of the Holy Spirit could I do this. I ignored when he said mean things to me. I ignored when he did mean things. I just showed him unconditional love. I told him often how much I loved him.
He was unable to give me any encouragement or sense of hope. HE wasn’t but GOD was. I left him alone by not bugging him or confronting him about anything. I just showed him love. I made love to him. I praised him and showered him with love. He started to notice a big change in me.
Now, I did not say I FELT like doing any of this. My flesh rebelled and did not want to do any of this. The enemy spoke in my ear daily telling me it was of no use and tried to discourage me. The enemy reminded me of all the times in the past where I had prayed and asked God to change my husband but did not see any lasting change. Each time I took my eyes off of God and put them on the problem or my husband, I would start to lose my peace of mind, the peace of God that passes all understanding.
I had to learn to bring every thought into captivity and focus on the things of God. I was in a spiritual battle and had to fight this in the spirit and not the flesh. Most of the time it was not easy to love him like this but God gave me the strength because I stayed in His presence nonstop. I was learning how Jesus loves us unconditionally. In spite of our sins and weaknesses, He still loves us.
I prayed the word over my husband and over my situation daily. I stayed in Psalms for weeks and months as the word ministered to my spirit.Ps 37:4-7 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. (my husband’s love..my marriage) 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; (this was hard to do for me as I did not have a lot of patience and wanted God to change him fast) do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Ps 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; Ps 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
I would substitute my husbands or my name into the scriptures so it applied to me and my situation. I cried out to the Lord day and night and asked the Lord to be my help, my strong tower, and my deliverer. And, He was and still is!
I learned through that trial of my life how to truly trust in the Lord and not look to what was going on around me. I was learning how to truly walk in the spirit and not in the flesh. To not go by my feelings or emotions. I knew that no matter what happened between my husband and me, I was going to be ok, I had the peace, trust and security of the Lord knowing that my life was in the Lords hands. I learned not to fret or worry and to cast all my cares upon Him. As I learned to depend totally upon the Lord, God changed my situation and my husband. Little did I know that this battle I was going through of learning to totally trust God, was preparing me for an even bigger battle a few months down the road. One that my life depended upon.
I saw God start to change my husband. He eventually quit the affair, went for deliverance and got set free from this stronghold over his life and fell back in love with me. This did not happen overnight but over the next 6-8 months. He is now walking in the spirit and not fulfilling the desires of his flesh. God is faithful to complete the work that He started! My husband amazes me constantly. He does so many little things for me now that he never did before. He is more sensitive, caring, kind and loving. He is not perfect and still has his faults, like we all do, but God has truly changed him into a husband that I can now be proud of and admire.
I have the marriage now that I have always dreamed of having. One where my husband loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind, respects, admires and loves me unconditionally. Something I could not do for years by my preaching, scolding, nagging, teaching, etc, For 10 years I tried to change my husband and couldn’t and when I finally learned to totally trust God and put him in God’s hands, God changed not only him but more importantly ME.
Five months after all this I was diagnosed with Cancer. Since I was so built up spiritually and had so much of the word in me, I was able to stand and have faith for my healing and the Lord healed me. Praise God. To Him be all the Glory!! Again Charli Pickett was a vessel that the Lord used to impart a supernatural gift of faith into my life when she laid hands on me for my healing. I then found every scripture about healing, put it on index cards and posted them all over my house….bathroom mirrors, refrigerator, laundry room, bedroom, computer, everywhere so that the word was before me constantly.
This increased my faith and allowed me to keep my eyes off the problem and confess the word over my body. When the doctors went back in for surgery the 2nd time to get the remaining cancer tumor out of my body, they could not find any cancer. They could not explain it either. I COULD! God had healed me.
The enemy uses specific tools disguised, and often innocently packaged, to tear families apart. This is why the basis for marriage should be anchored in unconditional love. God is love and love never fails, because God never fails. Love is patient and kind. It is not irritable or prideful and does not insist on its own way. When love is not the foundation, the marriage will crumble. You have a responsibility to love your spouse unconditionally.
Consider each other’s concerns, and take them seriously. When husbands and wives fail to love, the marriage becomes vulnerable to satanic attack. We can easily drift away from God and our spouses when we lack balance and direction from God. Miscommunication is a tactic Satan uses. Many times we feel we have communicated effectively with our spouse, only to later find out that something we said was misconstrued. It is important that you communicate effectively with your spouse. Always consider your motives before expressing your feelings.
Also, when you are talking to your spouse, make sure they understand what you are saying. Be sure to give them your undivided attention when they are speaking to you. Love and understanding are keys to effective communication. Despite the enemy’s attacks, your marriage can remain strong. Let God’s Word be your foundation at all times. When you have a problem, search the Word for your answers. Remember, it is through skillful and godly wisdom a marriage is built.
I know our walk with the Lord is not an easy one and throughout our lives we will go through many trials and tribulations. My advice from someone who has done it the wrong way and failed and then learned the right way and succeeded is “The Word”. Plain and simple. Get in the word. Find scriptures that relate to your problem. Confess them daily. Get your eyes off of the problem and on Jesus…literally! Do not go by what you are seeing but on what the Word says .
The Lord has a work He wants to do in YOU! When you’re ready to acquire what God has for you, many times you won’t be able to just walk into it; sometimes we have to fight for it. Most people don’t know how hard we’ve had to fight to get where we are today.
There was a time I almost lost heart, there was a time I almost walked out, there was a time I almost gave up, but to God be the glory.2 Corinthians 4:17 (NKJV) “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal”.
I now understand that every affliction I went through was only for a moment even though at times it seem like it was lasting forever. I want to make a declaration and say keep fighting! Keep fighting for your marriage! Don’t you lose heart, and don’t you give up!
I pray the word will be a lamp unto your feet. That you will have a fresh revelation of the word and that you will be able to fight the good fight of faith. I know with these tools you will have Victory in every situation. God will see you Through! With man these things seem impossible but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
May the Lord be your strong tower. May you have the peace of God fill your heart and spirit. May He give you the desires of your heart as He has mine. Eph 6:12-18 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Servant of the Most High God,
Nancy Connell
http://sites.google.com/a/wildblue.net/fresh-fire-home-fellowship/
